I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
