Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
