I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
