i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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