You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
