Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
