If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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