Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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