Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
