I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
