Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want her autograph on my taint
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
