How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
