Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
