The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
