He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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