He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
