I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
