I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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