Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
