dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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