I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
