Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i love accidental penises.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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