My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
