I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
