did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
