Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
