smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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