he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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