Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize