great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
