You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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