i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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