So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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