Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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