literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
