i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize