pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
