It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
