I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
