Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
