remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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