i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
