I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
