Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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