I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
