also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
