Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
