me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
