between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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