Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk is a universal language darling
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
