and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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