I want to stick my p in your. b.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize