Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
