My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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