Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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