so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
