sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
