saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
