ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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