so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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