Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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