i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
