I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
