just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
