Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
