I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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