i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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