Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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