I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
