my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
