Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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