Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
