were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
