Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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