So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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