The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
