drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
