We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
