I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
