i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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