My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
