his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
