absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
