nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
