TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
