I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
