just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
