My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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