Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize