I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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